Finding Peace
by Satisfactionnotguaranteed
Summary: Yogi is struggling with feeling inferior to the rest of his friends. Like he's no more than a burden and a potential threat. He finds relief by accident in the form of alcohol and drinks himself sick, Akari finds him to bring him home, but with Yogi's body in its weakened state, Silver-Yogi comes forth and he has his own versions of the same issue. Horrible summary, give it a read.


The sun shone brightly in the city today, and though it was beautiful and warm Yogi found himself feeling down. They'd been given some 'free time' in the town while searching for infected people. He'd been allowed to go with Tsukumo but once they had arrived he'd sort of just slipped into his own mind space and gotten separated from her. Being alone at the moment though somehow felt better than being with his friend, though he wasn't sure why. All he knew was that he felt horrible inside, like a burden. It wasn't unusual for him to feel this way once in a really great while, but today it was bad. Everyone viewed him as a potential threat, and outside of that, they saw him as a child. Everyone spoke to him the same, like he was just some little kid who wanted a lollipop. I mean yeah, Hirato entrusted him to missions often enough but he still felt like he wasn't truly valuable. He had proven himself plenty of times but still the feeling never seemed to go away. Once Silver came out, everyone was on guard.

"Tch, I didn't ask for this.." He muttered to himself as he stopped his depressed gait and looked up. He noticed before him a bar filled with smoke and people with nothing better to do with their lives. He growled, it sort of grossed him out to see stuff like that. People just wasting away their bodies for another pint. As he glared solemnly and began to walk again, a strong arm wrapped around his tense shoulders. The overwhelming, acidic stench of alcohol polluted his very being as he was hauled off to a bench in front of the bar and made to sit down. Scrunching up his nose, he glared up at the man before him. He was older, probably in his forties, had a thick coat of stubble on his face and messy brown hair with blue eyes.

"Ya look like I did six hours ago." He explained to a very confused Yogi.

"Sorry, but I have to go." The boy replied nonchalantly as he dismissed the man altogether. Yogi was known to be very sweet and childish, but there were things even he wouldn't put up with.

"Yep. Exactly like me. Let me guess, no one takes you seriously right?" The drunk said with a very faint slur to his deep tones.

Yogi's brows knit together in surprise and confusion. "H..How did you know?"

"There are certain things you learn to see as you grow older." The man said and patted the boy's shoulder roughly. "Come on then, time for a drink. You'll feel much better."

"Uh..N..No. I really can't, I-"

"Oh quiet down. One lousy drink never hurt anyone, it's when you have one of each drink that you start getting a bit messed up." The man laughed with a boisterous thunder that rattled Yogi's very soul. Though the kid struggled, the man refused to let him go and took him inside for some 'medicine'.

Two hours went by and all he could think about was one more drink. For whatever reason, when he'd started, the rush that followed was oddly soothing. He wanted more and more, at first, of course, he'd been apprehensive, but it was too late for any of that now. The generous man who'd since introduced himself as 'Vance' had offered to pay for anything he wanted. Apparently, he'd just been divorced and took all of the money he'd had left and thrown it to the wind in the form of alcohol and cheap food.

Yogi's throat seemed to dry with each sip that passed his lips, he'd had more than he could count now and it hadn't even been that long really. The thought of his friends was in the far back reaches of his mind, and he simply didn't have the ability to find his logic at the moment. Nor did he care to. Angrily he sat and sipped some more, this time whatever they'd served him was a bit more powerful. It wasn't the smooth beer he'd been downing before, this was hot like fire. Spluttering and coughing he set the glass down, sending a splash of it onto his sleeve and the counter. A firm clap landed on his back several times as he tried to clear his throat.

"Ahaha! There ya go! Just down it quickly, it goes better that way." Vance instructed as he did the same with his own glass. Yogi did as he was told and shot back what was left of the drink and though it still burned, it wasn't stuck in his throat like before.

"That's more like it." The man complimented. "You'll be a pro in no time." He seemed far too happy filling a 21 year old to the brim with alcoholic beverages but who cared at the moment? Yogi certainly didn't.

"And then, I had to sit there and follow the orders of a sheep! A sheep!" The boy ranted about anything he could possibly find and swallowed anything put in front of him. His golden hair was messy as usual but tinged with just the smallest line of sweat. He was beginning to feel clammy and somewhat nauseous the longer he sat there fuming in his own misery.

" _A sheep!_ " The man repeated and a few other men shouted out their displeasure at the kids suffering and tousled his wavy hair.

"It's alright kid. We all end up going through hell at some point in life. It gets better." One of the nobody's in the room assured and though Yogi wanted to believe him, he started to feel more ill and that certainly wasn't anything _'getting better'._

"Oh, I think he's topped it off..." Vance warned and the bartender simply sighed, handing the familiar customer a large pail. "Here, if you're gonna lose it use this."

"N..No..." Yogi refused and sighed, standing on unsteady legs. "I..I should be going..."

"Oi! You can't go anywhere like that? You'll step into the street and get mowed over as flat as a pancake!"

Yogi growled and pouted, he didn't want to hear any lectures from the likes of anyone at this point. Though as he refused Vance wrapped a wrought iron hand around his upper arm, preventing him from heading out the door.

"Listen kid, I said I'd pay for your drink, not your hospital stay." The guy warned once again. Though he'd been drinking far longer than Yogi had, he was still able to walk relatively balanced and speak without really slurring his words.

"Let go!" The boy finally snapped and tried to jerk away, though he was too weak in the legs and it caused him to collapse. Just then the door behind him opened and the group fell silent. Yogi didn't quite understand the sudden change until he looked back behind him with somewhat foggy vision and realized who stood there.

"A..Akari..!?" Yogi yelped and attempted to scramble to his feet but alas his balance failed him. Akari glowered down at the boy and sighed, leaning down he took the kid by the arm and raised him gently but firmly to his feet.

"The boy is with me, I'll be taking him home now so he can sober up." The peach haired doctor explained and the rest of the tavern simply turned away and resumed their drinking with just a little less energy. Without saying anything Akari turned and made to walk out the door, expecting his charge to follow but as Yogi made to do so, he just didn't have the strength in his legs to complete the task. The doctor turned around just in time to catch the wannabe teen before he stumbled into the street. Yogi flinched at the fall and sudden catch, a vibrant blush blooming across his already alcohol stained cheeks.

"S..Sorry, it's my legs.."

Akari pulled the boy closer to him for more security and stared into the violet eyes of his patient, bringing a hand up to support his head the way one would an infant. What could have been seen as a faint smile began to tug at the corner of the man's mouth.

"You're very drunk." The man stated the obvious and smirked ever so slightly. The guy was normally rather plain-faced as far as emotions went, that is if he wasn't in a bad mood, but when it came to his patients he did have a smidge of compassion. Afterall, work should be taken seriously right?

"P..Please d..don't tell Hirato.." The boy whimpered as he was guided along to prevent him from falling. Akari gave him a sort of annoyed side glance.

"Do you honestly think he doesn't already know?"

A shudder fell through Yogi's back as he thought about it all. Hirato was usually really nice when he wasn't teasing him, but there was that slightly more scary side of him that he rarely showed. It usually showed up in the form of a dangerous smirk, and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of that. Then again, that was the least of his problems, he shivered in Akari's grasp and was tempted to pray for a miracle to get him away. He was dizzy, and he could feel the sweat on his neck that made him uncomfortable.

"Well come on then.." Akari instructed as he hoisted him up and loaded him into the car.

Back on the ship, Yogi sat trembling in the doctor's office. He didn't know what to think or feel other than panic. All he knew was that he didn't feel right and he was sure to be severely scolded. He felt all heavy and hot everywhere and he was thirsty as hell. Akari had brought him water but at first he'd drank it far too fast and thrown it up everywhere. The nurses fussed over him to no end and insisted he be dressed in some different, less smelly clothes, but of course, he refused. He didn't want to be put back in his pajamas like some little child, this is part of what he'd been talking about before. You'd think that it wouldn't be too difficult to manage a drunken young man who couldn't even walk straight, but he put up a valiant fight.

"Yogi.." The deep voice of his doctor spoke smoothly as he jotted down some notes on a clipboard, though there was an air of irritation to him. "Let them dress you, your current ones smell. I'll be right back." He ordered and left the room to go and fetch some soda crackers for the boy and a box of fresh I.V tubing. Though not five minutes after the man left, Yogi began to feel faint, just completely exhausted, no doubt from the amount of alcohol he'd drank. However, as he was feeling dizzier than before he felt a jolt of energy pulse through his chest, his mind, his essence. The bandage on his cheek seemed to whither off and fell to the blanket below. He cried out for a brief moment and pressed his palms to the sides of his skull before falling silent, his head of messy golden hair changing quickly to a grey-silver. Slowly he raised his head and let a dangerous grin spread across his face, his nurses squealed in fear of Yogi's alter-ego.

"Hmhm...what? You don-gk!?" Like a mallet to the gut, he keeled over and wrapped an arm around his midsection. He was going to give the women a hard time but he was the one who had it hard. "Gk...wh..what the hell..."He cringed and glared at the nurses. "...I'm..drunk?" Very irritated he climbed up onto his bed and opened the window, when the nurses tried to stop him he growled and sent a gust of wind from sheer power at them, causing them to shrink away from its force.

"Yogi! You have to come lie down! You're not well!" The nurses shouted and attempted to snatch him by the shirt before he lept out the window, but it was too late. He ran along the ship's deck and shied away from the cool breeze, they were nearing the end of October and it was beginning to get quite cold. Battling his drunken body, he continued on, forcing it to keep upright.

Annoyed he found a spot and sat down in a corner, resting his head against his knees. "Tch, jeez, 'the hell did he go and drink like this for.."He wondered to himself, rather upset. Nausea haunted his stomach like an angry demon and his limbs felt tingly in places, not to mention the fog that swirled around his head. He wanted to play and have fun now that he was out, but his body felt like a lead weight, his own powers suppressed by the weakness of his host's mind. He hated having to be locked up all the time, and though there were rules against considering him an individual, he sometimes wished he could have his own body. For an hour he sat there, depressed, cold and feeling ill. What kind of fragment of incure was weakened against something as trivial as alcohol? It just wasn't fair. he wasn't sure why he felt so horrible right now, perhaps an effect of technically being so wasted? Feeling lost and hating the fact that everyone simply viewed him as a threat, he stood and slowly stepped over to the edge of the deck. He looked down at the world below, a fall from this height would surely kill Yogi, and himself. The pain would be over, the suffering, the glares he received when he took over Yogi's body. They should have been grateful, he was the reason Yogi was alive, he'd saved him countless times. Icy cold fingers wrapped around the iron bar. His silvery hair whipped around violently, he wasn't entirely sure how Hirato stood up here and kept his cool-guy demeanor going the whole time.

Just one move and he could be sent over the edge. It would be over, but as he thought this his head began to ache severely, and the urge to get as far away from that edge as he could screamed at him like a wild animal. He knew it was Yogi, he wasn't sure how but he just knew it. A deep sigh exited his mouth and he glared.

"I..I don't want to jump...but..." He whimpered under his breath as he battled the thoughts in his head.

"Settle down Yogi..." A calm, warm voice like melted chocolate said from somewhere behind him. Like a snake Silver spun around to see Hirato standing mere inches from him. Though as he turned a strong gust of wind blasted through the area and channeled along the deck of the ship, lifting Yogi off his feet for a brief second and causing him to lose his balance, falling backward. Just as he was sure he was going to go over the edge, a firm set of hands took hold of his left arm and yanked him close, securing him snugly against a warm chest. The silver haired boy shivered and trembled at having been nearly launched off the ship, despite having been sure that's what he'd wanted, clinging to Hirato's jacket front for his life.

"Hm..my, my. You almost caused a lot of trouble for me, I didn't want to have to leap down after you." Hirato explained gently and held the shaking alter-ego close, never letting go for even a second. "Yogi.."

The boy refused to look up and simply shook his head in embarrassment and fear. Hirato chuckled warmly and brought a gloved hand around, hooking it under Yogi's chin and forcing him to look up. Salty tears pooled at the corners of his eyes, though he did his best to pretend he was fine. The blue eyed man sighed and used his thumb to wipe the water away.

"Thank you for not jumping." He smiled pleasantly and ruffled the silver hair before him. "Now come along then, you're lacking your medicine."

At these words Yogi's eyes widened and he attempted to jerk himself away. "No! I don't want it!" Though he protested he stumbled on his feet just a little, again ending up pressed against Hirato's chest.

"Now, now. This isn't the place to argue. You may be in control at the moment, but Yogi's body is weak right now."

With those words Hirato swiftly lifted the boy into his strong arms and carried him back inside, all the while listening to his rants and complaints as he pounded against his chest and kicked his bare feet. "Put me down! I'm not taking that damn medicine! I won't!"

"You're certainly lively today aren't you, Silver."

With this Yogi froze, his fists halting mid-swing. Silvery eyes widened in surprise and locked with Hirato's cerulean gems. A knowing and sweet smile spread across the man's face as he took in the expression of his charge. After the shock had faded, Silver blushed deeply on top of the already present alcohol dusting, averting his eyes to rest on one of the buttons on his carrier's jacket. He'd addressed him as Silver, rather than Yogi. To some, this might sound like a very minor thing, but to him it was everything. For just one sentence, he'd been recognized. For just one moment in the universe, he had been spoken to as his own person, despite residing within Yogi.

Trapped inside his thoughts as he was carried bridal style deeper within the ship, he didn't notice them come to a stop at his room. Akari looked up and sighed, seeing his patient noncombative and not sleeping could only mean that Hirato had done something to him right?

"Hirato, I've told you not to injure my patients any more than they already are!" He snapped, Hirato blinked a few times in surprise but then just smirked and laughed a little.

"Look at that face! You really do love your kids don't you, Akari."

Realizing he'd raised his voice Akari rolled his eyes and looked away from the man, stepping aside so that he could rest 'Yogi' on the bed. It was his fault though that his lecture had startled Silver, and the two older men were taken by surprise when he out of nowhere snapped his body up and twisted out of Hirato's arms. Landing a bit clumsily but still on his feet, he glared.

"I won't do it. I'm not gonna stay in here and _rest_ anymore!"

Akari's brows knitted together and he sighed, reaching out a gentle hand. "Come on Yogi, calm down. You're tired, I can see it."

"I am not YOGI!" The kid screamed and balled his hands into fists, then did his best to make a mad dash for the door, only to be blocked.

"Silver.." Hirato stated firmly and with a good dose of authority, then sent an informative glance to the peach haired doctor. Silver kept his head tilted downward and let his eyes match up with the blues before him. He looked like a kicked puppy, the poor thing. It must have been a bit of a shock to be reprimanded with a title he considered his own.

"We just want to help you. You're hurting Yogi right now, don't forget, he was hurting inside as well. That's why he went out and got himself so drunk." Hirato explained with a sad tone, the realization hit Silver like a sack of bricks. Of course, he was being selfish wasn't he? Yogi was sitting inside, in the white space they often traded off and was completely alone with his feelings. Silver faltered and turned his gaze to the floor, it was then that he heard a shuffling to his left. When he looked, he noticed Akari stood there and was removing a syringe filled with a well-known substance from his pocket. A shiver crawled down Silver's spine like a poisonous spider and he took an apprehensive step back, still a tad dizzy from the drunken state his body was in.

"N..No.." Silver whined, he gritted his teeth as he did his best to seem assertive.

Akari shook his head slightly and took a quiet step towards the boy, who flinched but didn't fight back. Firmly the doctor took him by the arm and lead him to his bed where he sat him down. Just in case, Hirato kept his form by the door, the only escape at the moment now that the window was closed and locked. Silver could be wild for sure, often times even dangerous, but he did have a good amount of respect for Akari, and perhaps a healthy dose of fear as well. As the doctor proceeded in undressing his patient and putting him into his pajamas, silver just grumbled. Three times he tried to fight it, pulling his arm away or attempting to stand but a few stern looks from his doctor had shut it down fairly quickly.

Once he was dressed in something that didn't reak, the pink haired man again picked up the syringe. Silver's breath was lodged in his throat as he scooted further away, searching desperately for a way out.

"Silver..."Akari addressed, catching said patients attention for a moment. A look of sorrow passed over the doctors features for just a fraction of a second, his otherwise gentle gaze washed over 'Yogi' like a warm blanket. "Let me help you, you're too weak and drunk right now to do much anyways, and you're causing Yogi to become even more sick."

Feeling guilty, Silver looked down and grimaced. It wasn't fair. He needed his own vessel to live in, not a host. Why was he cursed like this? A warm hand rested on his shoulder in an attempt to convince him to lie back on his pillow, but he refused. Instead, he shoved the hand with his shoulders. Akari was gradually growing tired of his childish antics and was considering pinning him down and sticking the needle in his thigh, but as the thought crossed his mind he was stunned from his annoyed state. He leaned back just a small bit as Silver leaned his body against his, resting his mop of hair against his firm, warm chest. Like a wild cat asking to be tamed Silver allowed himself to slump against him. Hirato watched from the doorway, quite surprised at the events that were unfolding. A smile graced his lips as he watched his friend take care of his child. Though Yogi was technically twenty one, he often seemed much younger.

Akari hummed a breathy laugh and placed his large hand atop the boys head, comforting him with a few cat-worthy strokes. For five minutes he allowed him to rest there, the smell of alcohol still rising up now and then with his quiet breaths. As they took their time, Akari and Hirato were surprised to hear a few sniffles that Silver clearly tried to hide. He was crying? Truly he needed more support than what they normally gave him. Still, Hirato had to commend his friend for being such a good parent to Yogi and his counter part. Even if he denied the position.

"I..I don't want to stay hidden away..."The young man whimpered through sniffles before taking a deep breath and sitting up slowly. Expecting to see the usual emotionless face of Akari, he was surprised to see that instead, he wore a comforting smile. Something that didn't happen very often. The normally strict workaholic was actually smiling at him. Though he tried not to, the kid blushed like mad. So much so that Akari for a moment wondered if he was okay, before realizing all was fine.

"Now, be good and let me help you to sleep. Regardless of your feelings, I've got to tend to Yogi as well. Okay?"

Silver pouted and folded his arms, sitting criss-cross and turning up his nose in an act of indignant defiance.

"Okay?" Akari repeated with a raised brow and a warning in his chords. Silver feared what the consequences could be for defying him more. He remembered the time when he'd become monstrously destructive and Akari had pinned him over a table, tugged his pants down just a little and stuck the needle in the exposed flesh of his rear, right in front of everyone. It had hurt and was probably the most embarrassing thing to have ever happened to him. Killing off the sickening feeling of the memory from his gut, he huffed in defeat.

"Fine."

With a sigh and a small shake of his head, Akari took the boy by the shoulders and made him lie down on his bed, guiding him beneath the blankets. A sorrowful frown bloomed on Silver's face as he laid there, though he hated to admit it, lying down felt really good. He hadn't realized just how taxed the body he was using was. Akari wiped a stray tear from his patient's pale face and then gently took his arm in his hand. At the action, he felt Silver tense, he truly didn't like needles, just like Yogi. That was one thing they had in common.

Trembling again, Silver prepared himself. To his surprise though, the sharp pinch beneath his skin never came. Glancing down at Akari he wondered what the delay was.

"I want you to calm down first." The man answered the unspoken question and Silver blushed again, he felt like a child. He was fine right? He could take anything. Though he tried to build himself up, he couldn't help but tear up a little. He hated how it was, all the time. He wasn't really scared, he was just frustrated.

"I am calm..." He argued but refused to make eye contact, after a while of Akari rubbing soothing circles on his left arm with his thumb, he finally relaxed. Allowing his thoughts to carry him away as he gazed out the window at the setting sun. Hirato watched as the man silently administered the shot without warning, a sharp 'click' filling the room as the serum was injected. Silver gasped and jerked his attention back to Akari who remained calm.

"That hurt."

"Dont lie, it only surprised you." The man corrected with a knowing hint in his eyes. He smirked to himself as he watched the boy pout and look away again, though this time the energy seemed to be fading from his intense glare. Allowing his features to relax, Silver breathed evenly and his eyelids quickly began to droop down until they finally closed and it was all over. Sound asleep as his hair returned to its golden tones. It was his medicine, but this version of it was honestly a kind of tranquilizer. If Yogi would just take the medicine without a fight, it would only be a liquid he had to drink without any adverse side effects, except for maybe a less than pleasant flavor.

"You know..." Hirato began with a teasing sort of attitude.

"Don't start. I know what you're gonna say." The doctor rejected as he disposed of the syringe properly and straightened out his jacket.

Hirato smirked but then gave off a genuine smile. "You're a good doctor Akari. That's all I was gonna say."

Said doctor just scoffed but gave his friend a mild grin before beginning an I.V on the sleeping circus member. It was easier to do when he was asleep than dealing with a fight. He was extremely dehydrated so he needed to work quickly. After checking his vitals again and bringing an oxygen mask down to his face, he left the room and gave the nurses the go-ahead to go inside and keep watch. When the kid woke up, they would have a lot to discuss, so for now he planned to rest himself.

...

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